I Should Be
by RoseRedGurl
Summary: An old friend comes to visit the Gallagher family. But not all are ready to let her back in and welcome her with open arms. OC
1. Chapter 1

**Before we start I would like to say I do not own the genius that is Shamless or it's UK original. I do however own my original character.**

**I'm not an avid watcher of the show, seeing as how I don't have any of the awesome channels like Showtime or HBO, but I have the internet and I've picked up the mannerisms and such. This story doesn't follow the show. At least for now it doesn't.**

**Enjoy!**

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It had been a long day for the Gallaghers. They liked nothing better than coming home and snuggling up in their own beds. All were asleep, aside from Fiona, the eldest. No she had things to do like making sure there was bread and peanut butter for the kids' lunches tomorrow. She made sure the house was as picked up as possible. She made sure everything was as okay as she could make it before she decided it was time to go to sleep.

Steve had come over; he and Fiona were on decent-speaking terms. Decent meaning she wasn't kicking him out. No. Instead she let him stay and fuck her. She had to admit, there weren't or had their ever been that many people to make her feel as good as Steve did... does.

It eventually was a knock on the door that had caused the first anger-filled groan from Fiona. It was very late. Who the hell would be at the door at this hour? Better yet, who the hell would be this damn inconsiderate to be knocking on the door this fucking late?

Opening the door, Fiona was met with great surprise. Her glare and frown had instantly melted into an ear-to-ear smile. This was a huge and completely unexpected surprise.

"Kiki?!" Fiona squealed with joy.

The girl shushed her, knowing that the others would be trying to sleep, "Damn Fi, you trying to wake up the entire neighborhood?"

Fiona jokingly scoffed at the girl, "Says the girl who show up at 1 in the morning and knocks on my door."

The girls laughed and hugged each other. Fiona squeezed the girl a bit. They hadn't seen each other in months. But that, of course, had been Kiki's fault. It had been her choice to leave.

Moving inside, the two went into the kitchen and Fiona made them some coffee. She handed a mug to Kiki, who thanked her for the hot drink. It sure did taste good and warmed her up a bit. It was freezing outside and it had taken a couple tries for her to find the right house. But that was something she would keep to herself.

"So where've ya been, Kiki?" Fi asked.

"Here, there." When she saw the answer wasn't satisfying enough she added, "Canada."

That had caused Fiona to laugh a bit. It had only been a few months since Frank had been brought back from Canada. He had made a special _trip_ up there courtesy of her sweet boyfriend, Steve. But still, the answer didn't satisfy her. Kiki had been gone for almost a year. There was no fucking way she had been in Canada without Fiona or one of the other Gallaghers hearing SOMETHING from or about her.

"If you don't want to tell me where you've been staying, fine. But don't you lie to me, got it?" Fiona had turned mama mode on and big sister mode off. No bullshit after 6 was in effect.

Kiki nodded, "Sorry, Fi. I just.. I'm not too proud of where I've been. So if you don't mind-"

Fiona nodded, understanding.

Kiki had missed that side of Fiona. The side that didn't push her for answers right away. She understood Kiki, or how to handle her, better than her own mother did. Being away had certainly put life in perspective for her. Meaning that her life had been a hell of a lot emptier without that crazy family

She had spent so much time with the Gallagher family that they had begun to feel like her own. Hell they were her own.

"So, on a scale of 1 to 10, how happy will the others be to see me." Kiki asked, hoping for an honest answer and high numbers.

Fiona sighed, having to think. It was hard to say, "Well I know Carl will be happy to see you. Debbie too, although she may be a little hesitant at first. Ian will be harder to crack but I'm sure you'll find a way to make him let you in."

She swallowed hard, "And Lip?"

"You know how Lip will react. He'll either yell or ignore. You fucked his head up, and his heart, when you left. Made it worse when you didn't even say goodbye. It was like Monica all over again."

Monica, their mother, had walked out on them about 21 months ago. No goodbye, no explanation. She just up and left, crumbling the lives of her six children and forcing Fiona to take FULL responsibility. She had already kind of taken over before Monica left so it wasn't really anything different.

And Kiki deserved everything Lip would through at her. But she hoped it wouldn't be anything too heavy.

"Think I could crash on your couch for a couple of days?"

Fiona nodded, "Of course."

The girls hugged again and said their goodnights.

Tomorrow would be a complete emotional roller coaster. So Kiki tried to get as much sleep as she could.


	2. Chapter 2

Kiki awoke to silence. It was different than what she was use to. Especially when it came to being in this house. She enjoyed the peace for the grand total of twenty minutes that it lasted.

The first down the stairs was Carl. In his hands was a glass jar that contained a gold fish. He walked right passed Kiki, into the kitchen. She heard him set down the door and some shuffling before he ran back into the living room. His face was filled with excitement.

"Kiki!"

She shushed the boy as he jumped into her lap and threw his skinny, little arms around her. Fiona was right. Carl was ecstatic to see her. He had always been a big "fan" of Kiki. Whenever she was over, he stuck to her like glue, he'd follow her around like a shadow.

Pulling away from her, Carl ran upstairs shouting, "Debbie! Debbie!"

Kiki laughed to herself. That little boy was too cute. She sure did miss the boy. It hurt to think about how it must of crushed Carl when she left. It hurt Kiki to leave him. To leave all of them. She made a promise right then and there that she would try her best to make things better and easier for her second family.

She heard footsteps coming quickly down the stairs. Out from the corner of her eye came Carl with Debbie close behind him. Carl leaped onto the couch and wrapped his arms around Kiki's arm. Debbie just stood there, skeptically looking at Kiki. Debating on whether she should greet her or not. Kiki leaned her head to the side.

"Debs," Just saying her name caused the small redhead to break into tears. She let her bawl out all that she had to. Kiki pulled back and held Debbie's face in her hands. She wiped away the remaining tears that escaped from her eyes.

She smiled, "It's okay Deb. I'm here."

* * *

Ian had been harder to... win over. He was just as stubborn as Kiki remembered him to be. But something she had not expected was just how angry he was. The two of them had been close. Best-friend-brother-and-sister close. Kiki was the first to find out that Ian was, in fact, gay. For the longest time she believed that he was but waited for him to tell her.

It was the same way now. She did not push him to hug her or talk with her. Kiki waited for him to come to her. It did take him a couple of hours to calm down, but he finally warmed up and talked to her. They laughed and cried and hugged each other. All that was left was Lip. He hadn't been home when Kiki had gotten there. They had yet to see each other and Kiki was freaking out. She felt butterflies in her stomach and her heart in her throat just thinking about it. In all honesty, she selfishly hoped that Lip wouldn't be there.

It had not been till much later that day that Lip had come home. Debbie and Kiki were in the kitchen. Fiona had said it was okay for them to make mac'n'cheese. They were singing, or finishing up a song when they heard the front door open and close.

"Anyone home?" Lip asked.

Kiki and Debbie exchanged a look or two before Debbie called out, "In the kitchen, Lip!"

Kiki felt absolutely sick to her stomach. She heard his heavy footsteps walking to the kitchen. When Lip walked in, Kiki turned her back to him and stood in front of the sink. She turned on the fosset and began to wash her hands. It was a bit juvenile but anything to keep her busy and not looking at Lip. Still, she could feel his eyes on her, probably wondering who she was and why she was here.

Lip asked, "Who's she," to Debbie.

Turning around, Kiki revealed face to Lip. She watched as the smirk on his face dissolved into a look of anger. It broke her heart. Lip marched straight out of the kitchen and out of the house.

"Shit." Kiki turned off the water and went after him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry it's been a while. Junior Year is brutal. I've been working non-stop on a horrid Research Paper. But now it's turned in and I have some time for writing again. Thanks To EVERYONE who has reviewed this story (and followed and favorited) it means a lot.!**

Kiki felt like her heart was going to jump up her throat and up out her mouth. Lip had been just a few feet away from her, only a few moments ago. How could something so great go so wrong, so quickly? He was _right_ there. RIGHT THERE! And he just left. His face fell and he didn't even try. He said nothing to her. It would have been better if he screamed at her. Kiki hated him ignoring her.

"Shit." Kiki turned off the water and went after him.

It was cold outside. Kiki cursed herself for not even thinking to grab a jacket or anything. But at the time, keeping herself warm was not on the first thing on her mind. It wasn't anywhere near the things that were in the front of her mind. Getting Lip to just look at her was all she was thinking about. She was calling out his name but he didn't turn around. He didn't even stop or acknowledge that she was calling out for him. He couldn't. All Lip wanted was to just stop being stubborn and throw his arms around Kiki. But he couldn't do it. He wouldn't allow himself to do so.

"Lip!"

After quickening her pace, Kiki caught up to Lip. She got in front of him which did make him stop walking. He rolled his eyes and contemplating running in the other direction but he knew she wouldn't stop. Not until he let her talk to her. So he stood there, but refused to make eye contact with the girl that broke his heart all those months ago.

"Look, I know you probably want nothing to do with me but you have to give me something. I won't be able to take you ignoring me."

Lip scoffed and spouted out, "Oh please. You'll be here for a couple of days and then run off again. Why don't you do us all a favor and leave now instead of later?" Kiki looked hurt. Yes, she expected him to be against her being here but didn't expect this much venom covered words. It was scary.

"Lip.." He tried to walk away but she put a hand on his chest to stop him, "I'm not gonna leave again."

By the look on his face, Kiki could see that Lip did not believe that. He just expected another Monica deal. Shows up for a little bit, tries to fit in, figures that she can't hack it and then bolts again. No. Lip wasn't gonna let his emotions be vulnerable again. He couldn't if he wanted to hold his strength. And that was really hard to do when Kiki's hand was still against his chest. It was the first physical contact either of them had had with each other and it was so natural.

"What you don't think I'll stay?"

He shook his head, Kiki could see his eyes watering. It was then when she realized why he was treating her this way. And it was that reason that she felt so horrible she removed her hand from his chest. "Phillip Gallagher, I am NOT your mother. I am _nothing_ like her."

"Yes you are! You both left without saying anything, not letting anyone know where you were going or if you were okay. And you both waltz back thinking that you can win everyone back like nothing happened. We don't need you!"

Now that really hurt. Being compared to fucking Monica. She had ruined those kids, just like... just like Kiki had. Well she wasn't gonna let Lip make her leave. She would leave until everyone else told her to.

"You know what Lip, I don't care. If you want me gone, you go tell that to Carl and Debbie. You go tell Ian and Fiona that you hate me and that you don't want me here. You get them on board, then I'll leave and you'll never hear from me again. But until then, you're gonna have to get use to my face."

He cocked an eyebrow, "And why is that?"

"Because Fiona said I could crash on the couch and I plan to." And with that Kiki walked back to the house, finally feeling the effects of the cold weather. It was pretty miserable and it wasn't until now that it hit her. The weather hadn't even registered when she stormed out of the house, after Lip. Now, all she wanted was to curl up in a ball and cry her eyes out.


	4. Chapter 4

**So let me just start off by apologizing for the very lack of update. I'm one of those people who hates it when there's a really good story that is barely there and then never updated again. So sorry for my hypocritical behavior as well. I kind of lost inspiration for this story and then forgot about it all together.**

**But now that summer has come around, I've decided to continue with this story. I was actually re-reading it and then realized that it was one of mine. Score for me! I can make sure it gets updated.**

**Once again, I am so very sorry.**

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Kiki woke up hours later, in a somewhat foreign setting. She was tucked into a bed that she didn't remember falling asleep in. She looked around and saw there was a bunk bed. That's when she realized where she was. Ian, Lip, and Carl's bedroom. And she was in Ian's bed. Kiki chuckled to herself a little bit. She could remember the first time being in this bed. It was the first time she and Ian had first met. Back before she had any hint of his, now known by her, sexuality. Kiki had a rather big crush on him and thought that she had gotten lucky enough. Instead, she was let in on a secret.

Truth be told, Kiki didn't take the news very well. She ran home, cried and didn't talk to Ian for a week. When she finally came around, she embraced her best friend. Assuring him that his secret was safe with her. Now, the crush on the boy didn't go away until she and Lip started hanging out as well. All feelings for her best friend were transferred onto Lip. And soon enough, the two had started hooking up. On and off, depending on how he felt about Karen Jackson.

Now that was an emotional roller coaster no one enjoyed.

The room was dark but there was a little light flooding in from outside. It was starting to get dark. That's when she heard the front door slam and a bunch of yelling began. She could hear Fiona's voice and a male voice. So Kiki thought that it might be her and Steve getting into it. Fiona was always intense when it came to her male suitors. But the voice became more familiar and she realized it wasn't Steve she was screaming at.

It was Lip.

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Lip wanted nothing more than to just take off right at that moment. _Who the fuck does she think she is coming back here? Does she think everyone just magically loves her again?! She's toxic and needs to leave before we... they all grow attached to her again. _Truth be told though, Lip was already attached. From the second he saw her face in the kitchen, his heart belonged to her again. But it couldn't... he couldn't do that again. He couldn't go there again.

It was too hard to get over her the first time. He wouldn't be able to do it again. With everything that happened with Karen and Mandy. He just... he couldn't let his heart get attached to anyone again. Especially her. But God, she sure did looked good. Her hair was longer and darker and it made her skin look like creme. Delicious, sweet creme. All he could think about were the things he wanted to do to her. With her. How much he wanted to... _NO! THAT CAN'T HAPPEN AGAIN!_

He then realized that he had been walking this entire time. He had gotten pretty far but decided it was time to go back home. It would be dark soon and Fiona would get worried if he wasn't there before nightfall.

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Once Lip stepped into the house, he was greeted by, a very pissed off, Fiona.

"What the fuck did you say to her?" Fiona hissed. It made her even angrier that all Lip did was shrug. "You realize that she hasn't spoken a word to anyone since she got back from running after you?! She came into the house and dropped herself onto the sofa, curled up and bawled her eyes out. Ian had to take her upstairs so the little ones wouldn't get to upset. He stayed up there until she past out from crying."

It pained Lip to hear that he was the one that caused this. That he was the one that caused Kiki so much pain.

"I mean, we just her back Lip. Do you really want for us to lose her again?"

He merely shook his head.

"Then stop fucking around," she swatted his head, "and if you cause that girl to leave, Carl will butcher you and I'm sure Ian will help bury your body."


	5. Chapter 5

**I know, I know. I'm a terrible person. Boo and Hiss. Boo and Hiss. I guess my only excuse is that I literally sleep all day during the summer and then wake up to eat and spend a couple of hours on tumblr and then go back to sleep. And ya know what? I forgot all about my fanfiction. So let's make a deal. If you want more updates on this fab story or any of my stories, harass me on tumblr. I'll leave me link after the story update.**

**Love you all**

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Kiki hadn't realized she'd fallen back asleep until she woke up to, a very impatient, Carl shaking her. She opened her eyes and Carl smiled.

"It's about time you woke up. I've been sitting here for about ten minutes."

She raised an eyebrow and opened her mouth to say something.

But Ian cut her off, "I told you Carl. She sleeps like the dead. You're lucky you got her to wake up before noon." Ian changed his shirt and sat down on the bed next to Kiki.

Carl rolled his eyes, knowing he would be ignored now that Ian was in the room. He glared jealously at the attention she was giving him before storming out of the room. It caused the two teens to laugh a little. Soon they became quiet and Kiki moved closer to her friend, who in turn wrapped an arm around her. They sat like that for some time.

"I'm glad you came back." Ian admitted.

Kiki smiled, "I am too. I missed the Gallagher clan." Mostly Lip but she'd never tell Ian that. She was sure he already know that bit of information anyways. He always knew what she was thinking and what she meant when she said things. "It's good to be back."

Ian nodded, "Think you'll stay?"

His words, even though he didn't mean them to, offended Kiki. "That's actually what Lip and I fought about the other day. He accused me of being like Monica. That's when I knew I'd fucked up."

Ian tried to protest his brother's words but Kiki didn't let him. She slapped her hand over his mouth.

"I left without saying anything to anyone. I didn't let anyone know I was okay. And I waltzed right back into your lives expecting to be welcomed back. Lip is the only one that isn't happy that I'm back. He's the only one who hasn't hugged me or fought to make plans with me. I've been scolded and yelled at. Not exactly the welcome back I expected."

It was true that Lip hadn't welcomed her back but he was happy she was here. His heart did somersaults when he saw her and swelled up when she insisted she would stay. But he had been incredibly rude to her, even though she tried. Lip's hostility was understood but it still hurt.

* * *

He had been listening outside the door, Lip had. Tears had formed in his eyes listening to Kiki talk to Ian. He mentally kicked himself for saying all of the terrible things that he had spat at her. Lip wanted to make up, he _needed_ to make up. All he wanted was to hold Kiki in his arms. He wanted to take in her scent and hold her hand. He wanted to talk to her, with her. He wanted to be able to trust her. But all of his sense was fighting him.

Lip took a few, more than a few, steps back from the door before entering his room. He didn't want to make it seem like he had been listening to the conversation. He opened the door to his bedroom and had become enraged by the sight before him. His brother and Kiki on his bed. Ian's arm wrapped around her and she close to him. Though he knew that nothing would go on or ever go on and Ian's sexually, Lip was clearly jealous of what he was seeing.

He wanted to be the one with his arm around Kiki.

He wanted to be the one who's body she was close to.

But he wasn't and he saw red.

It didn't help that Ian's and Kiki's eyes were on him from the moment he walked in the room. So to avoid suspicion, Lip went to his bed and grabbed the t-shirt that he had left on it. He was halfway out the door before Ian called out, "Wait."

Lip watched his younger brother get off the bed and walk over to him.

"Talk to her, man. She misses you." Ian told Lip in a hushed voice.

He left the room and closed the door, leaving Kiki and Lip inside.

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**Well now, that was good. That was fun. It has become increasingly hard to come up with story line for this fic because it doesn't follow the show in any way, shape, or form. Well maybe a little. Also, timeline may be a little off but whateves. Welp hoped you enjoyed this lovely update (and cliff hanger).**

**And like I said, you can harass me on tumblr for quicker updates. ****writerunhuman .tumblr .com  
JUST REMOVE THE SPACES**

**Review!**


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